The first week

I should be working, but I'm letting myself off the hook this week, on account of it being the first week back on Weight Watchers. The first week is always horrible, also the second week, but one hopes that by the third week, one will start to feel normal again. Or, alternatively, one will start cheating.

No, no, stop that. Think positive. When re-starting a weight loss program it is important to think positive, though I find that it is also important to be realistic. If I go into it thinking (as WW would like me to think) that this is it, this is the time I will finally lose all the weight and keep it off forever, then the first time I slip and do something wrong I will think: Oops, guess this isn't THE time after all, might as well quit. No, it's better to think of it as just another step on my lifelong journey to not weigh 300 lbs.

Sometimes I wonder, if I'd never joined Weight Watchers back in 1976, or any of the other fifty thousand times, would I actually weigh 300 lbs today? Or would I have found some other way to cope? But I was already all messed up with food by 10 or 11 -- gorging on sweets, sneaking food in the middle of the night. I think I needed a helper, and WW has been my helper through the years. I'm glad it's still there.

I'm watching the clock, wondering why it's still ONE HOUR until lunch. I might have to go back to bed and do a crossword puzzle or read. The first week back on WW, I always spend a lot of time in bed. OK, just had a banana. (The nicest thing WW ever did was make fruit "free.")

I've been reading a lot this spring (speaking of bedridden activities). My goal this year is to read at least 52 books, one for every week. So far, after nearly 4 months, I have read 23 books, just a bit ahead of schedule. Three mysteries, 14 regular novels, 3 biographies, and 3 other non-fiction-ish books. That's quite a few more regular novels than usual, but it includes 6 Barbara Pyms and 3 books for the book club. Right now I am reading a mystery (Bury Your Dead by Louise Penney) and a regular novel (God on the Rocks by Jane Gardam), and I'm gearing up to start the next book club book, nonfiction this time (Behind the Beautiful Forevers by Katherine Boo). The Gardam book is the third I've read by her. I'm not liking it as much as the first two (though it's early days, could get better), but in general I'm delighted to have found a great new (new to me, I mean) writer.

Of course, WW would like me to be outside exercising --or indoors, or wherever, but definitely moving, not sitting on my behind. The first few weeks back on program I tend to go easy on that too, because until I get my food intake regulated, I'm likely to get too hungry, feel faint, overeat to compensate, etc. So I'm just doing the usual walks to and from school with boos.

Actually, another unexpected bit of activity comes from t-ball, which is going on and on (with very little improvement on the part of the players). Silly me, I had envisioned myself sitting on the bleachers, WATCHING the boos play ball. Sorry, no, I have to help out with every game. The last few times I've done fielding during pre-game batting practice -- and yesterday we had such a small group of parents that I was the ONLY fielder. This meant that I stood near 2nd base and ran frantically after all the balls all the kids hit, excess fat jiggling away, while Kids A and B yelled delightedly, "Mom missed it!"

Maybe if I lose 50 lbs I could be on a softball team. Something to think about.

Fifteen minutes till lunchtime.