Then I remember that the job includes health insurance, and anyway, how bad can it be?
This is how bad: The first time I ever taught anything, I was a TA for a linguistics class, and I was so lacking in confidence and "presence" that the students in my section ignored me and just asked each other their questions about the lecture. They actually came up and sat on the edge of my desk and talked to each other. (Sometimes the twins ignore me like that, talk to each other loudly right over my comments about whatever, and it infuriates me more than it should. I think maybe on some level I am remembering that linguistics class.)
Anyway, no matter how bad it is, it can't be that bad. It just can't. Even if I'm in an insecure mood that first day, I have a lot more presence now than I did in... 1989, I think that class was. Twenty-five years ago. Wow. Pause for a moment to think about how old I am. Anyway, no, it won't be that bad. The PROBLEM is that if I get too complacent, and stop my frantic preparations, I won't do well on that first day. I do need to continue to prepare, I just need, also, not to freak out. Hard to find that balance.
To find a bit of that balance, we decided to go to the cabin this weekend and stay overnight (now that we have a dependable cat-sitter). Of course, before I could leave, I had to print out all the documents I've been working on: syllabus, class notes, first few assignments. (I'd promised myself I wouldn't bring my laptop to the cabin, but I didn't promise anything about paper.) My computer has been doing something annoying for a while now: it will only print one file per restart. This means that I have to print a file, restart the computer, print another file, restart the computer... After a while it refused to print even after being restarted, so I turned it all off and decided it would be OK, I had enough paper. (Of course, I never looked at any of it while we were away, but it made me feel better to have it with me.)
On our way to the cabin, we stopped at Tiny Town (at the twins' request) because it had been over a year since our last visit. I suspect we won't go many more times, because it really is designed for little kids, and the boys are growing up. Still, they enjoyed riding the trains (both a coal train and a diesel were running that day). The first time we rode the train, they sat up front with us, like the big boys they are, but then Kid A rode it again and sat in the caboose, with the little kids. He's still a little kid, just not as little as he was.
And the boos also still enjoy looking in all the little houses. As do I. I'd be happy to go to Tiny Town by myself once in a while, just wander through the streets exclaiming over all the cuteness.We arrived at the cabin pretty late, maybe 4pm, but it didn't matter, of course, since we were staying overnight. We had also decided to eat dinner at the cabin, rather than spending a lot of money on a restaurant, so I'd brought a couple of cans of soup and some bagels and cream cheese. Kind of an odd dinner, but we were satisfied.
Bedtime was a little challenging. Kid B decided to sleep with me in the bedroom that has two single beds, and Kid A wanted to sleep with Rocket Boy in the loft. We got in our pajamas and I read some stories, after which Kid B was ready to go to sleep (I wanted to read in bed for a while). Kid A was ready to go to sleep too, but he was afraid to go up to the loft by himself. Meanwhile, Rocket Boy was still working on projects and then took a shower. Kid B fell asleep, I read the last of my biography of John Quincy Adams, and Kid A sat on the floor of our room and complained. Finally Rocket Boy was ready to go upstairs with Kid A, and I was left to mourn the death of JQA (166 years later) by myself.
I had a bad night. Too late, I remembered that I've had problems sleeping at altitude before. I would sleep for a while, then wake up, cold and uncomfortable (when we went to bed, the cabin was warm, so I didn't think to pull out extra blankets). Then I would sleep again, and then wake up. All night long. And the night lasted a very long time, because I'd turned off my light around 11 pm, and when I finally looked at the clock the next morning it was 9! Ten hours of (disturbed) sleep! Sigh. Kid B was still snoozing away at 9 am, despite having gone to bed before 10, so I took the board off the window and let the bright light of morning shine in upon him.
It took us forever to have breakfast and pack up, probably because of our bad night (Rocket Boy reported the same sort of sleep I'd had). We were hoping to leave early, because we were planning to go to Boreas Pass Railroad Day, which we'd enjoyed last year. But we didn't leave early, and we didn't reach Como, where the festival begins, until 2:30 or so---and then there was no one there. No cars, no signs, no sign that there had ever been any cars or signs. Nothing. We drove around for a while, and finally Rocket Boy stopped and asked someone. And it turned out that Boreas Pass Railroad Day was yesterday! Saturday, not Sunday. Where I got the idea it was Sunday, I don't know. Let's just say I'm a little distracted these days.
Oh, I felt terrible! If we'd just planned the trip differently, we could have come to Como yesterday and done Tiny Town on the way home today. Oh, what is wrong with me! Oh, what a bad mom!
After some more of that, we decided to drive over Boreas Pass anyway, and look at the sights. It's a fine drive, regardless of whether there's a festival going on or not, and today was a beautiful day. Here are the boys at the top of the pass.
We made it home safely, and I have a LOT of work to do the next seven days, but hey, it'll all work out. I'm almost sure of it.
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