Coping

I keep thinking this is so much easier than it was before -- during the two years back in Boulder when Rocket Boy didn't have a job and I really thought he would never get another. He was so depressed and I was so depressed. This is better. He had a taste of happiness, six months of work, and now both of us think he has a good chance to find another job. So it's different.

But it's still awful. It's depressing and scary and sad. I refuse to pretend that it isn't.

Rocket Boy has come down with a sort of cold thing, of course. Your immune system doesn't work as well when you suffer a blow like being fired/laid off. I'm just hoping I don't catch it too. I know my immune system is down too -- you can just feel it, that low lack of energy. I'm going to sleep late tomorrow, assuming the twins agree. I am NOT getting enough sleep these days, and I must work on that.

It does really help to continue to try to be positive, though. All day long I keep running through this in my mind: I'm sad, yes you're sad. But we're not going to wallow, right? that's right, I'm not going to wallow. I'm sad, but I have things to do, people to tend to (little people and a sad husband, all my students too). It helps that I'm choosing not to wallow, as opposed to feeling forced not to. Well, sometimes I feel forced. But I'm trying to make it be my own choice.

Another thing that helps is that in the winter I don't need to spend a lot of money. Except on the property taxes, of which the Boulder notices arrived today. It's going to cost more than $5000 for our house and Clifford's, and then another $2000 (or more) for the cabin. Ugh. But we have the money -- just sitting in the checking account, ready to be spent on this. I'm going to spend it quickly, so we don't think we have that money available to take a Spring Break holiday.

But besides that. I think our needs are smaller in the winter. The holidays are over and food is simpler. I made my mother's macaroni & cheese recipe tonight, and I bought the ingredients for twice-baked potatoes with spinach & feta, and also Grandma Peg's goulash (with soy crumbles). Winter meals are comforting on cold nights. For entertainment, we have the new jigsaw puzzle collection, lots of games, of course books. At bedtime I'm reading the twins The Wolves of Willoughby Chase, which is a good cold winter book. At first, Kid B didn't like it, too scary, but he's into it now (we just finished Chapter 8, out of 11 chapters). When we finish it I'm thinking we might try The Long Winter. We've also continued renting movies that the whole family can watch. Rocket Boy got "It's a Mad Mad World" and the twins enjoyed it. Tomorrow we're planning to get "Around the World in 80 Days." Maybe I'll make cookies too -- I'll see. The twins and I made cookies last week and they were gone in about two days.

As long as you have enough money to pay for heat and food, winter can be fun. Hold that thought. Try to enjoy the family, not get mad at Rocket Boy for not having a job, not get mad at the world and blame random things. Things are sad, but they are not terrible, and a new job could be right around the corner. Hold that thought.